When I'm With You

Saw you walk in to the room
Thought i'd try to talk to you
Babe am i every glad you wanted me too
Its been two years to the day
half the time I've been away
i know I'm not there enough
but that is gonna change
cause I'm coming back
to show you that
I'm keeping the promise that i made

When i'm with you
I'll make every second count
cause i miss you, whenever your not around
when i kiss you
i still get butterflies
years from now
I'll make every second count
when I'm with you

yeah we've had our ups and downs
but we've always worked them out
babe am i ever glad we got this far now
still i'm lying here tonight
wishing i was by your side
cause when i'm not there enough
nothing feels right
so i'm coming back to show you that I'll love you the rest of my life

when i'm with you
I'll make every second count
cause i miss you, whenever your not around
when i kiss you
i still get butterflies
years from now
i'll make every second count
when i'm with you
when i'm with you

whatever it takes
im not gonna break the promise i made

when i'm with you
I'll make every second count
cause i miss you

when i'm with you
I'll make every second count
cause i miss you, whenever your not around
when i kiss you
i still get butterflies
years from now
i'll make every second count
when i'm with you
when i'm with you
when i'm with you
when i'm with you

I Got Owned by a T-Rex

It's 10.10pm and I feel so tired right now... I think it was because I only slept like 4 hours before waking up at 6 this morning. Had to go to camp myself because mum was going to have her op today. Couldn't take leave or off, because the date for the surgery came too suddenly.

And in camp, it was a normal day at work except for the fact that I was with the T-rex alone as the rest went to do their YOG stuff. I wasn't needed because I was special (as what Joshua had mentioned because I am untouchable). Haha, but the worst thing was when I got owned by the T-rex after the rest came back. It went like this:


Me talking to Nigel: Nigel, I think you do a better job than T-Rex, why not you switch vocation with him?

T-Rex comes from the back: What!?

Me: Oh, I was saying that Nigel is better than you, and he should replace you as the storeman.

T-Rex: Huh ok lor. If like that, then never mind. I can be your understudy! :D Do clerk job with you. Everyday can free fuck (and he does the hands in the air, hips rocking away motion)

So I got stunned by his words as he went crazy after saying those. Joshua, Christopher and T-Rex were high-fiving as it got super funny for them. And the next thing was:

T-Rex: You know now hungry ghost festival right? I am a ghost, so I can see you changing, bathing and ...

I got stunned again -.- Wah lao, the guys got even louder because it was so crazy. I laughed along with them, but then got quite disgusted with T-Rex. Seriously man, he should stop being so gay. I don't even know if he is straight or not. I hope he is -.- He even asked me to go drinking with him once I ORD. Who will wanna do that!? Definitely not me!

Yea, so this incident just kept all the guys chattering away today, leaving me in the spotlight. Yea, it was quite funny, but I just hope that T-Rex can stop all his 'gay roaring'. It just gives the other guys a wrong idea ar. What if my boss finds out and misunderstands? I can imagine him calling, "Sebastian! Can you come to my office? I got something to talk to you about. I don't want B Wing to be xxxxxxxx..."

Haha, yea. The T-Rex thing has been going for quite a long while already. Today's incident was like the highest it could ever get. I hope nothing of such magnitude happens again.

Then, we managed to close shop at 3pm today. Went directly to Mt Alvernia Hospital to visit my mum. When I saw her, I was glad that she looked alright. But her left eye was partially bloodshot. Like semi coloured red. It was quite horrifying and I was then told that it suddenly appeared in the afternoon after waking up from the surgery. The eye specialist came by and explained that it was due to the bursting of one of the narrow blood vessels near her left eye. I think it was the chemotherapy medicine that had caused her to get internal bleeding easily. Hope that it clears off after a week, like what the doctor said.

My whole family eventually arrived, with the exception of my brother who is still in Thailand, coming home in a few hours! Left at 9pm with YongQuan, Kiat Loo and Marlene. My eyes were droopy in the car, yet I can't fall asleep at all :/ Looks like my body clock is going haywire again. Gotta sleep at regular hours now cos work has started! Not many offs and leaves left :/ Not sure if the trip to Langkawi is still on or not.

Oh well, looking forward to Friday's dinner! Hope Mummy gets well soon too (:

Time Stopped at That Moment

  At least I'm glad that I was forgiven and not detested. It's important to me, because whatever happened was not meant to be. We were just throwing angry words towards each other without really thinking of the consequences.

 I hope that the time we have now will help us mature and grow, and see things with different light. That moment in the lift was important to me. I wanted it to last longer and not let go but I can't. I have to respect her decision, her actions and her own life. I will make use of this time to come back stronger and more ready for things to come.

I'm going to start to fill my schedule with things enriching and fun. I have to priortise my options now. We'll see how it goes from today onwards. At least I'm blogging regularly. Kind of making a progress report, which is important when you look back at your life.

Really?

I don't know... I guess I was expecting more because I thought we were the same. But I guess the different circumstances we were in contributed to the gap. I tried, at least. Maybe I am the one who is not ready, not being able to move on when she already can.

I'm really not sure what would have happened if I talked to her a few days ago. She said she could have broken down... Why? She said she didnt really feel anything. So will she have felt something? Or is she just putting up a strong front so that we won't need to go through the angst we went through in the past?

This is confusing. But the fact that I keep thinking about it means that I am not over it. But she has her own life now, I think its better that I do not disturb her. Maybe I will meet her for the last time tomorrow at Udders.

Friends from now on? Or maybe its even impossible? I don't know where this will lead to. I will just take one step at a time.

Sucks to be me :/

Racing

It's a feeling difficult to express. I have to do something, I need to try!

Day before a break

Woah, today sure is busy day. Had the SUTD Photo and Video Shoot. Arrived when Edward was already halfway into his video shoot. I was laughing away with Sharolyn from SUTD because Edward was just so funny. But then, I thought he looked cool and he fared pretty well with his face. Edward say he looked and sounded fake. Hmm, I do not think so at all. His content about sports linked to engineering was pretty good and unique.

After him, it was my turn. I did'nt really know what to do, just followed the words on the screen and keep repeating and repeating the whole chunk of words. I thought it was quite fun, it was somewhat like acting you know. I had to kept playing with the ball bearings and metal pieces, at different angles and distances. I even had a one-take, lol. But I actually fumbled up some of the words during some of the takes, but they still took it haha. I hoped they realised that I spoke the wrong stuff lol. It was definitely a new experience taking a photo and video shoot. My first time in a studio and my first time having so many photos taken of me.

After that, went back home to take a nap till 5. Woah, I was just so worn out because of the previous day. Had supper with Edward, Joe, JT, Jia Xin and Kelly. Only slept at 2am. Had to wake up early for the photo and video shoot. Even woke up with a headache but its alright now (:

Went for a birthday dinner for Dennis after that at Olio Cafe at Marine Square. The food was not bad, but the serving was too small! Haha, had to steal some of the fries and ate Joe's leftover Beef Burger. I don't know why I was so hungry lol. Dennis got a Pull and Bear Tshirt for his birthday present and a slice of Chocolate Mousse for the celebration. Time flies, and we are all 20 now. We are going to Sunset Grill for the next birthday celebration to take on the Level 30 Buffalo Wings with the Birthday Boy/Girl.

Can't wait for tomorrow's Genting trip man. Gotta go fetch the peeps now (:

Festival of Praise - PRAISE GOD!

What a fulfilling night. Festival of Praise 2010 was great with Planet Shakers and Don Moen. The best part was the sermon by Pastor Che Ahn. It was really heartfelt and I could feel all my emotions bursting out. What a great day planned by God indeed. I wanted to burst out crying, with all the guilt for sins committed, contained inside. It was difficult suppressing them, but I asked God to help me and He did. I couldn't really sing after the sermon at all because I was afraid that my tears would start falling after that. I think it was the best sermon I have ever ever heard of.

And that led me to reflect on what I had done, especially to her. Will she forgive me? I will forgive her. But that doesn't mean that we have to be together. I just want to say that I have loved her so much, but am sorry that I gave up at the last hurdle. Love never quits, I forgot. Love does not consider self before others. I was selfish, and all I hope is that she can forgive me. I had caused the walls we built up to crumble, by myself.

Now, I will focus on my love to Jesus and God.

"Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."

We will have to eradicate the wrongs, so that what is left on earth is of heaven. That is what God has wanted us to do after all. It's a new addition to my standing values and principles. I will need to look and reflect on myself again.

I hope I can start a renewed and refreshed life from now on.

a broken life, but fixed up to a different shape

Finally after 2 months, I am here blogging again. It's lull so I have all the time in the world to blog and do anything with my computer. Actually I have been sitting in front of my desktop, doing useless stuff like watching videos on Youtube and exploring Facebook. Seriously, the Internet has become a deep abyss that really absorbs humans into it. Anyone who can climb out of that is considered non-human, I think..

Well, there have been many ups and downs since 2 months ago. The most oblivious one would be of course, my separation from someone who has been part of my life for 3 years and 2 months. 'Why? What happen?" people will ask me. Thinking back, I am really not sure how to put them in words. A lot of them are in the emotional language, and it is hard to express them in clear words that can describe the whole situation. What I can say is that I am the one who initiated it, and I could not take it anymore. But still, I guess I would be the one who feel more guilty and more regretful of what I had done. It could have been avoided, tolerated, but I still put an end to it. Whether it was a leap of faith or an act of stupidity, only time can tell.

And so that is why I am burying myself in work and meetings with friends. Well, that seems to work, until the recent lull period which I am currently enjoying now. I realised that it is so difficult to try to remove memories of someone you know so well. No matter where I go, or what I do, I am always reminded of her presence, her companionship and her touch. Not trying to be emo here, but that is what I feel. And she keeps appearing in my dreams. Now she is part of my subconsious huh -.-

Well, I shall stop talking about what has happened between me and her. I got to stop thinking and look forward. Time will help me pull through this, no matter what happens then.

Inception was darn good with Jonathan Heng, Dennis and Cher Han. It really is mind-boggling. The way they craft the whole movie was excellent too. Whoever understands and grasps the content of the movie will definitely be left with many questions when they exit the theater. The top was wobbling at the end right?

The idea of inception is complicated yet familiar since all of us have dreams. We cannot control what we want to dream and logic hoes haywire in them. Sometimes you feel blissful in them, or they can be nightmares for you. But it occurred to me that I have controlled my dreams before. For example, when I was in Primary School, I could sense whether I was in a dream or not. I called it my own willpower of some sort, such that I can really feel if I was in a dream or not. And when I know that I am in a dream, I can stop dreaming and wake up almost immediately. Quite cool huh, maybe this is some kind of special power. And another example is that I can have a continuation of the previous dream I had after waking up by going to sleep again. I tried, and it only worked a few times. But this shows that a certain part of my subconsciousness can be controlled, aye?

SUTD is asking Edward and I to help in this recent advertising/marketing campaign for them. Looks fun and we decided to go. We went down last Thursday for a briefing and to show them the clothes that we will be wearing. It was quite funny because we realised that we had nicknames and they called us himbos -.- Were we really that bimbotic? But they were a good bunch of people, and we talked and laughed at each other. Looking forward to Saturday's Photo and Video Shoot. Still not sure on what to talk about, but just going to try impromptu then. It's more candid and to a certain extend, heartfelt?

Damn, lull is going to be over! Today is the last day of the lull block leave. Man, I want more off days! But Thursday and Friday are going to be slack days, and I'm going to Genting from Sunday to Tuesday! Going to take this break and it's back to work again. Going to wait for the next batch of cadets to come in, but that will be in October already. And from there, it's ORD mode! Yay~

At least I did something useful during the break - sorting out my feelings, working out and going out with friends. Guess this break was kind of efficient for me, haha. I am going to work out more, since I'm so skinny and weak-looking. Going to hit the gyms during work :D

Alright then, I think i should stop. There is just too much to talk about after not blogging for 2 months! Let's hope that life is smooth going for now.

Goodbye

It's a shame, that it had to be this way
It's not enough to say I'm sorry,
It's not enough to say I'm sorry.

Maybe I'm to blame,
Or maybe we're the same
But either way I can't breathe
Either way I can't breathe

All I had to say was goodbye,
We're better off this way,
We're better off this way.

I'm alive but I'm losing all my drive
'Cause everything we've been through
And everything about you seems to be a lie,
A guiltless, twisted lie
That made me learn to hate you
Or hate myself for letting it pass by.

All I had to say is goodbye,
We're better off this way,
We're better off this way.

All I had to say is goodbye,
We're better off this way,
We're better off this way.

And every, everything isn't only what it seems
So hold these words that you never told me
It's time to say goodbye, it's time to say goodbye...
Goodbye.

Take my pain away
Tell me I, tell me I was wrong
Tell me I was wrong...

Pissed off

I am moving out for Phuket in 32 hours, and yet I feel a sense of foreboding that something bad is going to happen. She is avoiding me somehow, and I'm not sure why. Calling me an airhead? Haha, that I can take it, but then she is missing out in every small detail. It is as if the mutual understanding between us has been lost somewhere during her crazy period of examinations. I tried to be understanding but I just cannot shake off the feeling that something is wrong in the midst of what is happening now.

Nope, we aren't even quarreling right now. But i sense a communication gap between us. Maybe something is going to happen after the trip? I was planning to talk it out, but there was no chance to. I have been sleeping earlier these days because my body clock had been adjusted due to my work commitments for the past few weeks.

I hope all my plans are not going to get screwed up just because of her actions. She is not going to stay over and I am afraid that things might happen because of miscommunication. I don't want anything to screw up, argh. I just dont like it.

Maybe I am just fretting too much over the issue. Maybe things are not what I had expected. Maybe I am just selfish.

I just feel pissed off. period.

PASS!

Oh My God! I am just so happy that I can dance around like a retarded drunkard right now. I finally passed my Traffic Police Driving Test with only 16 demerit points!

After 1.5 months of lessons and 3 months of waiting, I finally am able to get my driver's license. Woo~ I was the only person in my family that did not know how to drive. Finally, I held the last missing puzzle piece -  my whole family can drive now.

It was a tough time when I had to take out time out of my work and personal schedule for the driving lessons. I was thinking, if others can do it, why can't I? In the end, I managed to pass on my first attempt. If not, I had to pay more at around $300. I think the total costs amount up to below $2000, which I am quite proud of. I'm glad that I was able to complete everything by 15 lessons (which is very very little btw) before enrolling for the practical test.

16 Demerit Points were what I got for the test. I remember the tester saying "Wa, Ni Hen Heng ar (Wa, you are very lucky). I guess luck played a big part for my test. If I ever hit the kerb in the circuit, I think I would have failed the test terribly. That would be 10 points if I stroked the kerb. Oh well, it doesn't matter now.

What matters is that I HAVE PASSED! :D

First Driving Lesson Since January

Woah, finally... My Driving Test is approaching on the 23rd March. I have been waiting for this day man haha. I just hope that I can pass the test and start driving where I want to! But of course there will be another problem after that - the availability of a car to drive.

I had my first driving lesson since January and it has really been a long time since I have driven the car. Surprisingly, I handled the 4-wheeler quite well today (: My bad habits were still present though. I keep forgetting to check the blind spot. Luckily I got a very friendly and talkative instructor that made me feel comfortable within the car. I was able to feel confident about my skills and voila, I didn't fare that badly at all. I even managed to alight at the bus stop near my house, and not go back to the driving centre. Haha, it was the first time I could do this because the school had just moved to Woodlands which is very near my house. I think I will just keep doing that till i pass the test (:

Just hope that Kai Xin can feel better and cruise through this period. She won't be 'crusing' definitely, but i hope that she can make it in one piece. University has her struggling in her academics. It really hurts to see her like that. I cannot do much, but only stand by her side.

Tomorrow I am going to have my bone scan done on my left ankle. I just have a feeling that the cracks are still there, and hasn't healed yet. It has already been 6 months since I started on Glucosamine. Just hope everything goes well tomorrow (:

Life is full of obstacles. They are there for people to break them down.

Ah, like what Randy Paush has mentioned in his Last Lecture - 'Brick Walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough.' Life indeed till now has been full of obstacles for me.

Handling the injury of the stress fracture in my left ankle isn't easy at all. Imagine walking and you feel that you need to make a conscious effort to make sure that you are walking straight, or look normal when walking. It aches every morning and night. I think I have rheumatism already...

And now the problem about choosing universities. I really want to succeed in life. Succeed - as in I want a rich life, not in the materialistic aspect but an adventurous life that will be both purposeful and fun. Which university and course to enroll in so that I can ensure that?

I have already a few top choices here:

NTU: Accountancy
NUS: Industrial and Systems Engineering
SMU: Accountancy
SUTD: Engineering Systems and Design

I believe that getting a professional degree will be better than getting a general one. The set of skills you obtain in Accountancy or Engineering will be essential, I think, in the future. That is why I am thinking of applying overseas too, to Imperial College for their Engineering Course. But the only Engineering course i can apply to is their Chemical Engineering, because I didn't take up Physics in JC. If only I did that... But oh well, what's over is over. I have to focus on what I have now.

It is really frustrating to choose a university that will suit you, because you will never know until you are enrolled into those universities. I don't think I can believe what others say about the life there, because ultimately I am so different from them. So will it be luck that determines where I am going to go? I don't want to miss out any opportunities, so I am just going to give my best for the applications to all these universities.

And SUTD finally released more information about their Curriculum System and Admission matters. Oh boy, they really demand differently from the other universities. Design? I'm interested in them, but I am not too sure if I have any outstanding work that I can display to them. But I am just going to try anyway. Collaboration with MIT is no joke... That's like saying you are going to work with the world's greatest geniuses. Imagine the career opportunities and prospects after graduating from there! But I will be part of the pioneer batch if I were to apply for it. Though it is still not so recognized in the region, I think it'll be quite fun to be part of the pioneers in SUTD too. Haha.

Will everything be okay? It definitely won't be. I just have to hold on myself and tell myself to believe that I can pass all these trials - my busy schedule for these few weeks. A sneak peek into this week:

17th - NTU Accountancy Interview
18th - Driving Lesson
19th - Bone Scan, Driving Lesson
20th - SUTD Briefing + Commissioning Parade
21st - Floorball Match versus Merahan Gunners

And the driving test on 23rd! Just hope that I can really refresh all my driving skills in the upcoming lessons. Oh well, I should start preparing for tomorrow's work and tuition.

Good luck to myself :/

Bad Performance, but still a Win.

Man, today's match was disastrous. Everyone was playing really bad, but in the end we still managed to win. Well first to start, we didn't have a lot of our players that turned up for the first period of the match. The twins, Soffian and Desmond. 2 defenders and 2 of our best attackers not around for the first period wasn't really good news for our already very small team.

So the first period began and we conceded the first goal within the first 5 minutes. It was definitely a devastating blow to our morale because all the time for the last few matches, we had almost always scored the first goal of the match. We realised that this game was not going to be easy. We managed to snatch back 2 goals in the first period, but only to concede another goal before the end of the first period.

During the 2nd period, Desmond, Soffian and the twins arrived. Although they were late, I still want to say that we were lucky that they still came even though they were cooped up at the open house in NTU. If they did not, I wonder how we were going to win the game.

The game ended with a score of 6-5, with us winning. It was a bad day for all of us as we knew that we were not performing up to our usual standard. Well, I guess that all teams have such bad times, like what Liverpool is having now.

I want to contribute more to the team by scoring goals and giving assists. But with my current injured self, I am afraid that my contribution will just end before the season ends. I have to take good care of my ankle because the pain is worsening after physio. I think I will have to stop the physio exercise soon. It wasn't even aching before physio.

Hope that we emerge as runner-ups at least for the season (:

Tired

Argh.. I'm tired, I do not know why. I just feel light headed and can't really focus on things. I think there is something wrong with my sleeping and resting cycle at night. I have to get it back to normal.

With all my night driving lessons and late nights, I think it is taking a toll on my body. Damn, and there are so many things to settle. Driving, SAT, projects and birthdays. Phew...

I hope everything goes smoothly.

Another Cycle...

Sigh, I saw the faces of my parents after I stepped into the house. It's happening again, or actually, it was already in the process. Damn, why can't my family have a peaceful time? Must it end up in divorce?

Nope, only my mother is considering divorce. And she is really pissing my dad off. Honestly, I am on my Dad's side. My mother just keep thinking that as long as she stays away from our family, all problems will be solved. She just does not understand the situation around her. Her thinking is not logical at all. This is getting too much out of our hands, and we know, that this may implicate others too. We have no choice, she just keep saying the words 'divorce'.

My father is really out of things to say already. Anything we say will be easily countered by mum. No matter what we try to say to her, it is all useless. Now she wants to call her friends, to ask how to find a lawyer. Omg... She is disturbing other people, and deliberately trying to show that she is the 'innocent' one.

You know... I don't really care anymore... If she can't realise what she has done wrong, then we shall all have to take the hard way...

Family Problems

I didn't notice anything wrong when I first stepped into the house today. I was back from driving lesson, at 11pm and my dad asked my if there was work tomorrow. It seemed like the usual situation I see every time when my parents are home. What I did not know was what had happened.

After washing up, I heard the sobs of my mother. And what I thought was "Here it goes again, the roller coaster ride for the whole family". Sigh, why does this always have to happen? From the conversations between my mother and father, it seems that it is majorly about Christianity and stuff. Seriously, I do not know why my mother is really so uptight about the issue. She even wants to matchmake us instead of us going to find our own girlfriends... -.-

What era are we in now and who does that? And she keep comparing with other families and fabricating lies, thinking her own world is the whole world itself. She is like a frog in a well, and she has had a sheltered life from don't know when. Along with her stubborn attitude, she never ever admits her mistake. She said her only solution is that she disappears from this world. What my father said perfectly makes sense to me, but she does not understand a single word. Anything from the Bible, or what we have learnt from church, my father tries to apply in his words. But still, she always think the otherwise which in actual, is almost entirely wrong.

She can say my father is lying, when he is actually telling the truth. She likes to twist the facts and make stories up (or just twist them) into her favour, causing so many rifts between us and others like our relatives, friends and other people. We really have tried to do what we can, by giving in to her. But the cycle just never ends. It has become worse and these quarrels and nonsense repeats itself at a higher frequency.

Yes, we all do believe in God. But yet, she still keeps thinking of negative things, and try to make use of what has happened negatively in the past against us. TOO NEGATIVE. She thinks that whatever she does is useless, but that is not true at all. When can ever our words reach her? We try to console or tell her truth, but all she does is to rebuke us in a loud voice.

Mum, do you know that you always use a very loud voice to convey your every word? Mum, do you ever realise why you don't have that many friends at all? Do you know why they left you?

This problem has been recurring for many years, but the effect is now getting more obvious. They touched on the issue of divorce a few months ago, but fortunately, nothing happened. My father has been very patient and caring, but he is losing it every second my mother goes bonkers. She even has problems with us using the telephone or my brothers using the car. She loves to use what she has to press against us. It's always on the issue of our car and money.

When she tries to admit, all she can say is that "WE ARE ALWAYS RIGHT" and stuff like that to spite us. We really do not know how to respond, when we are already talking nicely to her and we get this kind of reply from her.

I really hope this can be salvaged. God, at least give us the hope that it can be done. No matter what we do, we always disappoint in the end. It gets worse, and we can't do anything else. As she expresses herself, all the other family members only feel pain in our hearts. If only she truly understand us...

Christmas 2009

Christmas represents the end of the year, and mark also the beginning of a new year, and a new decade - 2010. 2009 has been a bad year for me, and Kai Xin. 'A' Level Results, OOC and many more for me. I just hope that when the new year arrives, everything can start to go smoothly for all of us.

I didn't expect Kai Xin to come visit me on Christmas eve, it was a pleasant surprise for me. She had been gone at Taiwan for the past week, and it was time to meet especially on this Christmas Eve and Day. However, things went bad as we realised that we lost her mobile phone. It really dampened the mood and it was bizarre as how the phone be just gone like that. It was all the while in the bag, and I carried it for her. She didn't take it out at all. Worse, the battery was flat, and we could not call through the line to her phone. What can I say? Unlucky.

7 Days 6 Nights

YEAH!

You are finally coming back haha, and I have been using my time well for this week. Just hope that you are safe and sound and that you come back satisfied and happy. Yet, I still have no news of which your flight is. It's going to be a hard guess, so should I come and fetch you?

Maybe yes or no. You asked me not to, but I feel like I want to.

Hope everything goes well when you come back, and I'll pray for you.

Just want to see you ASAP :D

75/09 Commissioning Parade

The heart aches, but it will not matter anymore. Being present at all my batch mates' Commissioning Parade makes me both envious and excited for them. From this day onwards, they will embark on a journey that will challenge their leadership and adaptation. Yet, I am no longer a part of them. Damn.. However, it paid off with the 8 to 5 clerical job i have and the less responsiblities that I have to carry.

Others say I'm lucky. Well, I am not so actually. Never did I know that expressing interest in being a Pilot in BMT will lead to so much trouble and angst. During the Medical Examination, the doctor found an abnormality in the ECG of my heart, leading me to the notorious "OOC" status that I am still stuck with. In August, I downgraded to PES E9L9 due to a stress fracture in the left tibia/fibula of my left ankle after playing soccer. It was painful and I could not walk for almost a week. With that, I didn't get posted to be a Combat Medic and I got to be a clerk in OCS Bravo Wing.

And that is why I get to watch my own batch's Commissioning Parade. It was glamorous, and I could see the sweat and blood they have all put in into the process of transition from a OCT to a 2LT. I could be one of them... I could be. But, I should not think too much about it, because it is almost too impossible to recourse and become an officer cadet again. Even if I become one, it will be difficult because, as all my OOC friends say, that the mates we have around us by then will be so much different: either they are from polytechnics, or they are going to be 1 year your junior. Imagine that you were just helping your junior for their 'A' Levels and suddenly a year later, you are all officer cadets again. It is just plain weird, even though you may say that you will do whatever you can to achieve what you want. It isn't that easy.

Another thing to worry about is your ORD date. If I recourse, I have to extend till I ORD just before I get into university. And that will suck because all my friends will be working in CV or going overseas backpacking, leaving me behind to count down to my ORD date.

Oh well, I just said not to think so much, and yet I have written so much about it haha. It is regret, and I hope I can just leave it behind me, though I know it is still going to haunt me even till I tell my sons the stories of National Service in Singapore.

Let's not talk about the regrets anymore. It's over, and I should make full use of the time I have now to:

1) Work out my body
2) Earn more money
3) Learn Driving
4) Take SAT
5) Learn about stocks
6) Decide on my future career

The most mind-boggling thing that I have to do is number 6. I really really have no idea what I want to do. Just to list it down, I am currently considering the following courses:

NUS:
Medicine
Eng & Business/Econs Double Degree

NTU:
Business & Acc Dble Degree

SMU:
Business & Acc Dble Degree

Damn, so many double degrees haha. And I think I should consider more single degrees. But at least it is a start to what I want to study. It all won't matter that much once I start studying in University. I still have time to choose, so I will take my time as I complete all my other tasks.

Life in OCS has been fun and I have a quite a lot of freedom except for the fact that I am bounded from 8 to 5 every week day. Other than that, I get to go out with my friends (who are clearing their leaves and offs right now) and have my own free time at home. I just got back from my 2nd driving lesson in SSDC and I am beat. Driving for 2 hours continuously can be quite tiring, but I think I have gotten used to it. Fortunately, I have a talkative instructor that entertained me with jokes and stories. Just hope that the next few lessons will be smooth-going and that I can complete everything by the end of January.

Yi Fan and Bruno have already posted out. I think Jethro is going to post out because of his PES C9 status too. Damn, no one is going to accompany me to go swim or exercise anymore. Yi Fan is so unlucky. He got posted to ALTI as a Transport Supervisor trainee and he wants to stay with us so much. But we just can't escape from NS right. He told me that he will just continue with the course there. Oh well, he may even get a Class 3 License faster than me -.- So, isn't it like better than being a combat medic or signaller. Consider yourself lucky, Mr Chan. Make full use of everything you learn there, and I hope that you will be happy there. Bruno, on the other hand, has his brain juice sucked out in MINDEF. Apparently, he has to fully engage his brain to do his work, and he usually works OT there. Just hope that his 2 months of attachment will over soon, and that he will learn something useful there.

As for myself, I am just going to be my best for the last month of the year, and welcome a renewed self in 2010. By then, I will have a New Year Resolutions Checklist that I am going to follow strictly for the whole year. Let me just rest before the new year starts. Hehe :D