Oh my god, it has been so long since I have ever touched this blog. Lol, it just seems weird when I look at all the previous posts. Oh well, too bad I deleted them all, that's why it is a fresh start. So to summarise up my life right now, well, it is not too good or not too bad. Everything is so-so.
Working (haha, not training) as a wing clerk in OCS right now. The work is boring, and it makes me feel that there is nothing left worth achieving in NS. And now my friends from the same batch are commissioning on the 19th this month, yet I have achieved nothing, just a measly desk job in the same camp as them, for now. It just makes me contemplate about my own potential. Can I really achieve the same standards as my friends who are now 3SG and going-to-be officers? Definitely in CHS, I was quite a high flyer. After JC, it just seemed that my life has been towards a downward spiral with nothing to look forward too. Life for me now seems aimless, though I'm learning the basics of stock market and trying for SAT next year January.
Oh yeah, and talking about the downward spiral, I think it all began with my 'A' Level Results. Getting an 'E' for my GP is seriously no joke. It has been a persistent obstacle for my future. Although the rest of my grades are alright, my GP grade can already kill my chances of getting a good scholarship and even going to my desired course. It was dentistry in the first place, but I think my hands and mouth was not good enough - for the test and interview. For now, I am enrolled in NTU Business. Many have commented that it is still a good course, but I feel as if something is missing - the interest. I don't really know what I want to study, even up to this day. It is a frustration not being able to decide and then act. It is like a KIV just stamped onto ur life.
My relationship has not been that well, I can say. There have been too many ups and downs in it. Just today, I am not really feeling good about it. The heart is aching and yearning, yet there have too many blaming happening across the battlefield - both our faults. This is one of the reason why I have started blogging again. I want to put my feelings into words I can express. It is really difficult and suffocating to hide all the words and emotions beneath my skin. I hope that it can all turn well - no matter where the relationship goes. It is never going to be easy, but I'm not going to give up that easily as well.
I still remember that when I was younger around the age of 15, I told myself that I will live for my friends. Yes, I am still doing that. My friends are really the sources of life for me. Providing me the comfort, the laughter and everything nice. Make no enemies - that was also a principle that I have held onto for a very long time. I hope that I still can maintain that in the future. I have many good friends that I have been meeting up with - the floorball gang and also my army friends. It has been a long time since I met my CHS classmates, NPCC mates and also 07S36. I miss them very much, and that's why I want to go back to school.
Life has been getting harder and harder as the years pass. As we grow older, the number of problems in our mind increases and we stress up. It is not going to be easy I know, and I just hope that I can support myself and get a good and successful life out there. I don't want to be a nobody, I want to be a somebody that people can respect and love. I may still be young, but I feel that I must act fast. And there are just too many ways to do it now in this world. So much so that we ourselves are confused with our choices. Should we stay comfortable? Should we move on? Should we go seek out other choice even though it will result in pain and tears? These are the ordeals that we as growing adults have. No more do we ask for something, we have to go and get it ourselves.
I want to find myself while writing this blog. Not only do I want to be happy and carefree, I want this life, my life, to be as fulfilling as possible.